Just My Luck (But Calculated)

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I had special notebooks filled with my “once upon a time” masterpieces (which were just elaborate tales about my stuffed animals coming to life and causing absolute mayhem). Writing has always been my way to let off steam and lately, let’s just say the pressure’s been building (I’ll spare you the gory details). And when life starts hurling lemons at you instead of to you? Some people meditate, I blog. Because if the universe insists on serving me chaos, I might as well turn it into content.

And speaking of chaos, let’s talk about luck.

When things go south, it’s tempting to believe the universe is personally out to get us. Maybe it’s just bad luck. Maybe it’s karma. Or my personal favorite "Mercury in retrograde"! Because let’s be real, blaming ourselves? That’s exhausting. Self-reflection takes effort, and honestly, who has the energy for that when it’s so much easier to yell "why me?!" at the sky? Pinning everything on fate is a convenient way to dodge the inconvenient truth: taking action is the real work, and avoiding it is just a fancy excuse.

But what if I told you it’s not some grand cosmic punishment? What if, instead of destiny plotting against us, it’s just… statistics doing its thing?

Here’s the hard truth, kid: Murphy’s Law is alive and well. Bad things happen all the time, not because the universe is out to get you, but because the odds of something not going wrong are never as high as we like to think. And the sooner we accept that, the less dramatic our reactions will be when they do. And just when you think you’ve hit rock bottom? Surprise! Probability says there’s always room to fall a little further. Drop your toast? Lands butter-side down. Every. Single. Time. Running late for work? That’s the day the CEO happens to walk by your desk, looking for you of course. Or maybe even better, you walk into the grocery store in full gremlin mode, thinking no one important shops at 9 PM on a Tuesday? Wrong! There's your mom’s friend, your dentist, and your old boss, all very happy to see you at your absolute worst.

And while it feels personal, I’m here to tell you it’s not. It’s just math. Annoying, unfair, completely random math. The kind that doesn’t care if you’re having a great day or if you just promised yourself you wouldn’t drop your phone again. Probability keeps rolling the dice, and somehow, I keep losing. But you know at this point, I’ve stopped fighting it. If life insists on messing with me, I might as well do the math, log the data, and prep for the next disaster.

The Science of My Bad Luck: A Personal Probability Experiment

Case # 1 Spilling Coffee on My Laptop

Normal person probability: 0.01%

My probability: 0.6% (3 out of 500)

Most people occasionally spill. I, however, spill with purpose, precision, and perfect aim! Right onto the one object I can't afford to destroy. Oops... Takeaway: Low odds. High drama.

Life Strategy: Cups with lids. Laptops at a safe distance. No exceptions.

Case # 2 Breaking My Phone From a Drop

Normal person probability: 0.3%

My probability: 1.3% (4 out of 300)

For most people, a drop is a harmless bounce. For me, it’s a spiderwebbed screen and a little piece of my soul cracking with it.

Takeaway: Apparently, my phone has trust issues and takes betrayal very personally.

Life Strategy: Phone now lives in a bullet-proof tank.

Case # 3 Tripping Over Nothing

Normal person probability: 0.0001%

My probability: 0.0006% (15 out of 2.5 million steps)

Others trip on things. I trip on thoughts. On particles. On air. Walking is a dangerous sport, yet I insist on flipping it upside down with handstands.

Takeaway: Sometimes gravity just wants attention. Stupid stupid gravity. Life Strategy: Fall like you meant it. Add jazz hands.

Case # 4 Breaking Plates While Washing Dishes

Normal person probability: 0.05%

My probability: 0.24% (6 out of 2,500)

Some people enjoy mindful dishwashing. I reenact Greek weddings on a weekly basis.

Takeaway: I don’t just clean dishes, I release them from this earthly plane.

Life Strategy: Paper plates and emotional detachment.

Case # 5 Forgetting Why I Entered a Room

Normal person probability: 25%

My probability: 80% (800 out of 1,000)

It starts with purpose. It ends with confusion, blank stares, and suddenly, hunger.

Takeaway: My memory likes to occasionally ghost me.

Life Strategy: Say the mission out loud. SAY IT! Repeat until success.

Case # 6 Bumping Into People I Don’t Want to See

Normal person probability: 2%

My probability: 8.2% (30 out of 365)

You step out looking like a troll, convincing yourself that you’re above caring about appearances (HA), and boom! A full-blown high school reunion!

Takeaway: Proof the universe is one big unscripted reality show.

Life Strategy: Sunglasses, emotional armor, and a fake phone call ready at all times. (Just hope Siri doesn’t chime in with "sorry, I didn’t catch that.")

Case # 7 The Disappearing Passport Heist

Normal person probability of misplacing a passport before a flight: 0.1%

My probability: 100% (1 out of 1, and it left the building)

You packed it. You triple-checked it. You felt prepared. Then, two hours before the flight; gone. Not in your bag. Not in your drawers. Not even in your apartment. You find it somehow at your parents’ house, in a tote bag, hidden inside your sister’s "Room of Requirement."

Takeaway: You don’t find your passport. It finds you.

Life Strategy: Carry it like it’s the last horcrux keeping your life together.

So... When you finally sit down and start crunching the numbers, you don’t uncover answers, you uncover the problem. And spoiler alert: it’s me. I am the variable. The statistical outlier. The walking anomaly in every chaotic scenario.

From vanishing passports to Siri blowing my fake phone calls in a British accent… I’ve learnt one thing: Probability may be out of my hands, but the punchlines? All mineeeee.

Shady Math Disclaimer (before someone brings out a calculator)

All probabilities were based on vibes, loose memory, and very questionable math.

In other words: don’t use this post to pass a statistics exam. Use it to feel better about that time you accidentally hit a client in the face with your backpack. (Okay, it wasn’t exactly in their face… But let’s not ruin the drama.)

Simply over and statistically out!