If Self = Unknown, Find X

Today, I found myself pondering so many questions as it poured outside. It’s been a dry year for us here in Jordan, so any chance of rain feels like an opportunity for quality time and some much-needed introspection.

The first and foremost question that crossed my mind, ladies and gentlemen, was whether we truly know ourselves. By the age of 32, you’d think I’d have a solid answer to this seemingly simple question! (Insert cute/sad emoji here.) But instead, I found myself spiraling down a strange train of thought, trying to trace or even categorize my actions in hopes that they might reveal something about the kind of person I am. Am I approachable? Introverted? Am I kind? Or am I just someone who believes they are all these things but, in reality, isn’t? (This is one of those rare moments in life where I’d rather be solving a math equation! At least with numbers, there’s always a clear answer.)

Then I look around at people who seem so sure of who they are, so effortlessly confident in their sense of self, and I wonder; does this question get harder to answer as we grow older? Or is it just another symptom of the ever-present millennial existential crisis? (Fellow millennials, no offense, but you get my point.)

Now, let’s entertain the thought for a second... What are the actual odds of truly knowing oneself? If I were to attempt a probability model (ChatGPT to the rescue), I’d say the possible outcomes fall into three distinct categories:

A) Even though I have a somewhat generic idea of who I am as a person, this is one of those questions humanity was never meant to answer with absolute certainty. Like for instance, what came first, the chicken or the egg?


B) I have absolutely zero insight into myself, and attempting to answer this question would lead to an infinite paradox of existential crises, and no one wants to go there, really!

C) The answer to this question isn’t fixed; it’s a variable, constantly shifting with time, experiences, and perception. If we were to break it down into an equation:

X = ( S × T ) + E

Where:

* X = Your current sense of self

* S = Self-awareness at any given moment

* T = Time (the longer we live, the more it evolves)

* E = External influences (society, relationships, experiences etc..)


So, as time progresses and experiences accumulate, our sense of self is in constant flux! Maybe the real answer isn’t about finding a fixed identity but about embracing the evolution itself? Leaving you with this, over and out!